i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's always time for handjobs
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
