that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
