Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
