I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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