Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
