Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
