time to smoke my breakfast
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
