Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
