We got so high we made milksteak
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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