he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Come see our sink grown plant.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
