I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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