You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
