i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Buhtt sex?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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