Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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(512): View more from Texas

I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.

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(714): View more from California

Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags

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(224): View more from Illinois

My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

(312): View more from Illinois

Elaborate

(224): View more from Illinois

Strip Mario-Kart

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(281): View more from Texas

NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.

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(703): View more from Virginia

We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure

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(650): View more from California

What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?

(858): View more from California

Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie

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(843): View more from South Carolina

What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!

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