drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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