Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
