yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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