I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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