I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
