Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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