70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
