Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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