I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
