i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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