he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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