WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
