I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
