I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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