Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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