His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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