My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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