Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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