I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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