I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
