Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
do nipples grow back?
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