So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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