oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
