Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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