i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
