I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How does it feel to date your dad?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
