I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
