3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
