oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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