First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
