I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
