If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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