You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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