I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
