Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
