Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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