Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i drank out of a bidet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
