She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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