Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
