The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
