guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
