i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize