Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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