My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
