Where is the hickey?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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