She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
