some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
