I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
