Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
