i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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