Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
