Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
