i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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