Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
