um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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