I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
