I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
