I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
