I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
