At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
