p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
