I just pynch a tree in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize