Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
